I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there.
Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.
The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.
Winning, Anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn't make the rules. Oops!
Oh wait, can't process it. Loser. WInning. Buh bye.
(CBS) picked a fight with a warlock.
[A.A.] was written for normal people, people that aren't special.
People that don't have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.
Dying is for fools, amateurs.
I am battle tested bayonets
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available
because if you try it, you will die.
Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
I probably took more than anybody could survive.
I was banging seven-gram rocks. Because that's how I roll.
I have one speed. I have one gear: Go.
I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels
especially if they wind up in my octagon.
Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words.
Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air
and deploy my ordnance to the ground.
I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain,
I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.
I'm not fair game. I'm not a soft target. It's over.
There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.
I'm shakin' a tree. I'm shakin' all the trees.
I.m tired of pretending I'm not special.
I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars.
I've got a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7 year old.
If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you.d be like,
"Dude! Can't handle it, unplug this bastard!
It fires in a way that's maybe not from, uh' this terrestrial realm.
If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently.
It's been a tsunami of media and I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard.
People can't figure me out, they can't process me, I don't expect them to.
You can't process me with the normal brain.
Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.
The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them
look like droopy-eyed, armless children.
[On past prostitutes who've gone public with their Charlie Sheen stories]
Yeah, where is she now? She.s under a bridge.
What is so bad about being under bridges, anyway?
Bridges should sue Anthony Keidis for defamation.
[On being asked, 'Are you worth a hundred million dollars?']
I think I'm worth over a 100 BILLION dollars, but that's just on a cellular level.
[On why he's so quotable] I'm grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life.
I'm not aw shucks. because I'm gnarly.
People say you have to work on your resentments.
Yeah, no, I'm gonna hang onto them and they're gonna fuel my attack.
From my big beautiful warlock brain, welcome to 'Sheen's Korner'
... You're either in my corner, or you're with the trolls.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Vatican assassin Warlords
What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails
and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests,
Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.
I have defeated this earthworm with my words.
Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets.
It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee.
I don't have time for these clowns.
I'm here and I'm ready. They're not. Bring it.
I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air.
I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
I don't have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest
and my biceps are too big.
I've spent, I think, close to the last decade effortlessly and magically
converting your tin cans into pure gold.
We're going to shoot one Polaroid per show. I'm going to sign this before
it even develops because I know that once it develops with my signature on it,
it's worth a fortune. I'll make this a work of magic warlock art.
[On potential role in Major League 3]: There is one deal point yet to work out.
If they want me in it, it's a smash,
and if they don't, it's a turd opening on a tug boat.
I'm tired of ignoring that I march to a different beat.
I have a different constitution. I have a different brain;
I have a different heart; I got tiger blood, man.
I just don't want to live like I used to.
And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself
in terms of talking about the past.
I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.
News-flash, I am special and I will never be one of you.
There was a reason my first substantial role after rehab
was to play a maniac whose personal story ended badly.
I knew what it was like to go those dark places.
I played a guy who died as a result of his abuse.
Slash sat me down at his house and said, You've got to clean up your act.
You know you've gone too far when Slash is saying,
Look, you've got to get into rehab.
It's not an act. I love it. It's totally original.
People go, 'What's going on with this guy?
Why does he sound so weird? What is going on in his brain.
I don't know. Just one day I suddenly woke up with a new brain.
I've got mad energy for days. That's what people can't get their minds around.
They say, 'Oh, he's going to crash.'
They try to apply all these common terms to a guy who is not common.
I don't fit into their little box.
Here's the good news.
If I realize that I'm insane, then I'm okay with it. I'm not dangerous insane.
I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny.
Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.
You can't process me with a normal brain.
Duh! So, we're asking you now, what are some of your favorite lines
that this warlock brain produced?
I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing
at a pace that this un-evolved mind cannot process.
I have a disease? Bullshit! I cured it. with my mind.
Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
Marry a tree. My other marriages didnt work out so I.m going to marry a tree.
I'm shakin' a tree. I'm shakin' all the trees.
But you can't focus on things that matter
if all you've been is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.
I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes.
And I don't think people are ready for the message that I'm delivering,
and delivering with a sense of violent love.
I've got volumes on how not to behave.
I've got more information now than a guy should have at my age.
What you come to discover is, it isn't how you get there, it's that you get there.
If that's what it took to get me where I'm at today, so be it.
When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time,
speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.
I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic.
I've got poetry in my fingertips.
Most of the time - and this includes naps
The paramedic called the press and sold me like a loaf of bread.
This was news, and he wanted to be the one to report it.
Usually in a battle sequence when a bomb is going off, you forget you're acting.
You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing.
You have the right to kill me, but you don't have the right to judge me.
That's life. There's nobility in that. There's focus. It's genuine.
It's crystal and it's pure and it's available to everybody,
so just shut your traps and put down your McDonalds,
your vaccines, your Us Weekly, your TMZ and the rest of it.
As kids we're not taught how to deal with success;
we're taught how to deal with failure.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
If at first you succeed, then what?
Dad almost died of a heart attack in the middle of making Apocalypse Now,
the biggest movie of his life.
It doesn't make you want to jump into that business.
Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.
Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively
know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course.
I just didn't believe I was like everybody else. I thought I was unique.
I think what drove me insane for a long time is feeling like I hadn't earned
most of what I achieved because it came so fast.
What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class.
My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives,
he couldn't save any money.
I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has.
So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate
or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract
is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.
I tried marriage. I'm 0 for 3 with the marriage thing.
So, being a ballplayer - I believe in numbers.
I'm not going 0 for 4. I'm not wearing a golden sombrero.
If you're a part of my family, I will love you violently.
I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point.
I'm not Thomas Jefferson, he was a pussy!
That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic
and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
Uncertainty is a sign of humility, and humility is just the ability
or the willingness to learn.
There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past.
I still don't have all the answers.
I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last.
I think I have a duty as a recovering guy to help,
to make my knowledge of what I went through accessible.
I try to be known more for my work than for anything else.
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core, the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American male in my position wouldn't?
For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties
and fly privately around the world.
It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.
I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck
filled with blind cuddly puppies.
I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.
Jimmy Fallon's Charlie Sheen Cologne 'Winning'
